During my early childhood, I experienced a life-threatening trauma. There was a main event followed by another couple. For most of my life, I didn’t recall any of this until, when I was about 60 years old, I suddenly remembered it.
I became unhinged. I tried to address it and for a few weeks, I was extremely upset. But then, without knowing that I was stuffing it down, I managed to shelf the memory once again. It was too overwhelming.
Years later, memory of the childhood event returned. It came up suddenly, like a tsunami had hit me. There was no more shelving it. The tsunami hit hard and it took over my life. So began a journey of emotional crises like none other in my life. It was one tsunami after another. I was guided to a trauma therapist, who was strong, loving, and gifted. I had to make sense of what was happening to me. I felt truly lost in a raging sea of emotion, for which I had no navigation.
I turned to God for constant love, healing, comfort, understanding, and guidance. I journaled over 350 pages, which helped me to ground myself as best I could. And I prayed a million miles of prayers.
Dealing with P.T.S.D is a feeling of total helplessness. You are at the mercy of your emotions. They are in charge and they demand front, center stage. There is no choice. Once these emotions surface, there is only one thing you can do and that is to start a very long journey of enormous self-compassion and processing of the new self, the trauma-self, until it is deeply integrated.
For two years, I lived in the depths of wild emotions. Trying to control them was useless. Just feel them. Feel them and feel them and feel them. They are uncried tears, unfelt rage, and deep issues of trust that expanded everywhere in my life and affected my most intimate relationships. I had to address it all.
I understood why people with P.T.S.D. reach for drugs and alcohol just to end the pain. I understood how it could drive away their spouse having to endure the unpredictable days that didn’t make any sense and felt hurtful.
I went through the most difficult, perplexing, out-of-control experience of my life for a couple of years. I was gaining a lesson that could be gained in no other way than going through it. It made me question who I was. It challenged me to forgive. And it took me way, way off on a journey where I didn’t know if I’d ever come back again.
Finally, I reached the depth of my grief, panic, and despair. I didn’t know I could. Towards the end of my journey of trauma, I scheduled a Spirit World Regression. This is where I discovered I had chosen it all and why.
Now it all made sense. I had scheduled myself to learn something that would cause my soul to grow. I wanted to learn.
Even though you may not imagine in your wildest dreams that you selected your biggest life challenges, imagine, for a moment, that you did. And that your soul wanted and needed certain experiences in order to advance to higher levels. This is why we incarnate. It’s not for suffering, though we do. We incarnate with enormous purpose, which carries throughout eternity, where you can learn your greatest lessons. This causes you to shine more brightly.
Sometimes our lessons are so complex that they take us numerous lifetimes to learn. And with each life, we advance a little more. We do our best. We experience a great deal of failure in our young attempts and carried over traumas and incomplete lessons from previous lifetimes. We also sometimes acquire karma when we ignore our lessons and others are injured. Help and guidance from the spiritual realm are imperative.
There are reasons why we are here. Some of us take on too much and it becomes unbearable at times. Still, our brave souls persist and continue to return to the human experience, until we have finished our course and gained the mighty lessons of wisdom and compassion that we seek. Then, perhaps, we eventually begin another round.
Meanwhile, we become more and more valuable – to ourselves and to others – with each incarnation.
Earth is noted for being the hardest place to incarnate. Congratulations on choosing the most difficult of all places to gain your soul’s lessons. You are spiritually ambitious! You came here for a big reason and you can do it with the help of your spiritual guides, Council of Elders, ascended masters, and angels.
The entire universe is a greater place because of your untiring efforts. And you are a greater soul because of others’ efforts – both from those who came before you, as well as current souls on earth. We are doing this together. Thank you for all you have done and for all you’re doing! I’m with you!
